Best Served Cold
by TerriTrek
Summary: ATF AU Seq. to Appearances Are Everything? Team Seven gets their revenge.


Best Served Cold

By Tex Zavaleta

Judge Travis waited for the seven men to find their usual places in the conference room before he made his pronouncement. "Gentlemen, it has gone far enough. This campaign has got to stop. Now."

His words were met by three innocent-confused-but-concerned expressions, three poker-faced blank looks, and one frown of confused uncertainty. He waited to see which one would crack first. It took longer than he thought. And, of course, being Team Seven, it wasn't the man he'd expected to react first.

"What campaign?" Vin Tanner drawled. "Are we talkin' politics? Thought you didn't like mixing politics with business."

Travis sighed mentally, but kept his stoic face turned outward. Tanner was more likely to remain silent and observe and let the others do the talking. Jackson, as the rational, relatively stable one, usually was waiting for a chance to explain, excuse, or elucidate. He'd have expected Larabee or, God forbid, Standish to try to take verbal control of the confrontation.

Or for Sanchez to try to defuse the discussion with some obscure fact or quote. Or for Wilmington and Dunne to protest their innocence loudly. That would have been more in line with the whole team's usual behavior.

But evidently not today. With effort he refrained from sighing.

"No, I don't mean politics." He frowned at each man in turn. "I mean the ongoing campaign to harass members of Team Five, specifically Pete Wilson and Jinx Stewart."

In another unexpected turn of events, it was Josiah who replied, "You know Jinx is actually a nickname. His real name…."

There were several snickers around the table.

The judge interrupted. "I know his real name…and now, apparently so does everyone else in the building. Which brings up the point of how that bit of information got out since Stewart assures me he didn't tell anyone. The only possible source of that bit of gossip would be his personnel file and since access to that is limited…" He turned his eyes to JD Dunne, knowing that if anyone in the building could access confidential files, it would be the Team Seven whiz kid.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that's the ONLY possible source," Nathan Jackson protested, then blinked as the judge zeroed in on him with a laser-like stare. "I mean, the others on his team might have known…and when they've been drinking…"

The judge was somewhat appalled to realize that Jackson was evidently participating. Usually he had more sense than to get involved in prank wars. "Drinking brings me to my next point… can any of you tell me why Inez Recillos has banned Team Five from her establishment?"

"All of Team Five?" Larabee asked, just a hint of wry smile tugging at his lips.

"It's her place. There's a sign on the wall that says she has the right to refuse service to anyone—guess she decided not to serve them," Buck stated.

Travis knew there was more to the story than that. Trying to ask Miss Recillos had resulted in a flood of indignant-sounding Spanish and then she'd hung up on him. He'd tried to get the details from Team 2, but they'd professed ignorance—with far less convincing expressions than those before him now.

The situation had arisen because of a juvenile prank pulled by Stewart and Wilson. Pranks were not that unusual but this one had crossed the line because they had targeted JD Dunne of Team Seven, not one of their own team. Though the prank was stupid and not particularly funny, it had hurt the young man's feelings and temporarily upset the emotional balance of the team members--something only another team member was allowed to do with relative impunity.

Before the judge could plan a new line of attack, the dreaded Standish drawl was heard. "Perhaps if we might hear the particulars of the unjust allegations being made against us, both corporately and individually, we might be able to address your concerns in a more timely manner."

Given the early hour and the lack of caffeine in the room, the Judge had hoped Standish would be less wide awake and prepared for this confrontation. Mentally, he pondered the man's contrary nature. He almost never reacted as one would anticipate.

"You want specifics?" The judge gave up trying to intimidate them by remaining standing while they were seated--never worked with this bunch anyway--and seated himself, opening the folder he'd brought with them and selecting a page. "Shall we talk about the incident in the gym? Or should I say incidents?" He thought two different conspirators were responsible.

They were good. No one even blinked or exchanged a glance that might have given away who had been responsible. Travis suspected that the Southerner had instructed and rehearsed them in preparation for this confrontation.

Standish moved his left hand gracefully in a 'go on' gesture.

The judge frowned repressively and started reading. "On Tuesday, Wilson and Stewart were working out in the gym and when they returned to their lockers to change they found all their clothing missing. In fact there wasn't a single article of clothing or any towels anywhere in the locker room."

"Must have been laundry day," Vin ventured reasonably.

"The laundry service has never been that good before," the judge snapped.

"Their efficiency improved?" Josiah suggested dryly.

Travis pounced. "Why would the laundry service man take their clothes as well as the towels?"

Seven sets of eyes blinked at him. No one said anything for a moment. They exchanged glances. As if nominated in a silent conversation, JD spoke up. "Maybe their clothes looked really dirty?"

"Or they stunk?" Buck added.

The judge persevered without commenting. "And while Wilson and Stewart were showering, the hot water stopped working and the cold water turned them BLUE. They had to leave the building and go home in their sweaty gym clothes and blue in color." He frowned at Vin Tanner who didn't react at all.

"Hmmm... didn't think the water in the showers was THAT cold," Nathan mused.

The judge stared at him, unable to believe that Nathan Jackson, the calm, cool under fire, sane, rational man--the peacemaker for the most part--had entered fully into the conspiracy.

Travis declined to argue Nathan's interpretation and plowed on.

Travis locked his eyes on Josiah. "Now what is this about a 'sparring session' that got out of hand on Thursday?"

Josiah shrugged. "Nathan was giving me some boxing tips in the gym. Wilson started making remarks--that I was supposed to hear, I'm sure--about the retirement age of the bureau."

"So you gave him a black eye, three cracked ribs, and a sprained wrist?" the judge asked disapprovingly. "And Stewart a black eye as well? That seems excessive."

"Josiah just said he'd spar with Wilson and prove he wasn't all that old," Nathan said. "It was Wilson who wanted to prove something."

"He only hit Wilson twice, Judge," Vin announced. "And Stewart kind of jumped into his elbow with his face when he was trying to jump on 'Siah's back to pull him off Wilson."

"Twice? Only twice?"

"Once in the face, once in the ribs," Josiah elucidated. "He sprained the wrist when he punched me."

This time the judge did sigh. Not a leg to stand on.

Looking back at the folder, he moved on. "In the last week every computer printing job submitted by either Wilson or Stewart has somehow been routed to be dispersed throughout the building. One page to each of 24 computers in different offices and on different floors. They spent four hours trying to find their reports and assembling them." He leveled a measuring glance at JD.

"Oh my, what a remarkable waste of precious time that could be better utilized in fighting crime."

The judge worked hard to keep his jaw from dropping when that sardonic remark came, not from Standish, but from the taciturn Chris Larabee, accompanied by a look of disappointed sorrow.

He shook it off and returned his focus to Dunne who was frowning thoughtfully. "You have something to say, Mr. Dunne?"

"I was just thinking of how someone could do that. I don't think it's possible. I mean how would the network know--"

"Are you trying to claim you had nothing to do with this?" the judge demanded.

JD's eyes widened and he looked like a puppy who'd just been kicked. "Judge, I'd never do something like that. You told me NEVER to use my computer expertise to play tricks on anyone outside of Team Seven or in ways that would affect others in the building and I may be young but I'm a man of my word. I wouldn't _do _that."

The judge could feel the glares from the other six and decided that the lack of hard evidence meant he couldn't really pursue it anyway. Perhaps his disapproval would be enough to put an end to that particular prank. Though he would like to know how JD --or whoever had orchestrated it had managed to avoid security protocols to accomplish it. "Very well. I will take your word for it, JD. Perhaps the IT department will be able to trace the culprit."

Dunne nodded and smiled thankfully. He was glad he hadn't tried the lip tremble---like Ezra said that might have been too much. The puppy dog eyes had done the trick just fine.

"What else is in that folder?" Buck asked, slightly miffed that he hadn't been accused of anything yet.

Travis gritted his teeth and dug in again. "Both Wilson and Stewart have suddenly and 'coincidentally' become the subjects of tax audits by the IRS. Their banks have also had some problems with fluctuations in their checking accounts. Their ATM cards stopped functioning." He didn't bother to glower at Standish as it wouldn't have made a dent in the man's armor anyway. "No one in the secretarial pool or admin offices seems to be able to confirm that Wilson or Stewart even exist. All their orders for supplies, admin assistance, or even food in the cafeteria seem to be mysteriously delayed or disappear entirely." Travis spared a brief glance at Buck who managed not to preen only because his life had been threatened if he slipped and gave anything away.

"Is that it?" Vin asked sounding a bit bored.

"No." He fixed his eyes on Larabee. "They say you've been threatening them."

Larabee lifted one eyebrow. "Threatening them? I can't recall that I've said a word to them."

"Hell, if you say three words a day," Tanner began.

Larabee glared him into silence.

"Mr. Larabee rarely threatens. He just performs," Standish said with a smirk. "What manner of threats is he accused of offering?"

The judge shifted uncomfortably in his chair then mumbled a response.

"Beg pardon?" Buck said innocently. "Didn't catch that."

Travis lifted his chin resolutely and snarled, "They said Larabee bared his teeth at them."

There was a sudden intake of breaths, quickly stifled so it didn't become an explosion of laughter, some turned into coughs, then all became quiet again.

"When... when did they say this happened?" Standish unsteadily asked for further information, resolutely refusing to laugh.

"Every time they saw Larabee in the hall," Travis growled. "Or anywhere else. They say he bared his teeth and looked at them with an evil glint in his eye."

The explosion threatened once more, but was stifled with more effort this time.

A thread of laughter was apparent as Vin said, "An evil glint--" He broke off with a cough.

Travis was nothing if not persistent. "Chris?"

Larabee tilted his head a bit and frowned as if confused. "Judge Travis, I don't remember how many times I've run into Wilson and Stewart somewhere in the building lately but I do know that I made an effort to be friendly."

That being uncharacteristic to say the least, the judge had to ask, "What do you mean 'friendly'?"

"I smiled at them." Chris demonstrated, giving what Ezra had been known to call his 'Kiss My Ass' half smile--which indeed bared some of Larabee's teeth.

Though it was mostly choked off and suppressed wheezing, six men were laughing.

Travis scrubbed a hand over his face. "Fine. But let me make myself clear, this--this prank war or whatever you want to call it has gone on long enough. It ends today. So whoever did whatever, put an end to it. As of now I have no proof that any of you actually did anything to be called to account for, but if this goes on--"

Standish interrupted. "Judge, may I assure you that though we are in no way claiming to be complicit in any of these occurrences, we will use our influence to insure a --ceasefire of hostilities. It would, of course, be best if those two mouth-breathing miscreants could be kept at a distance--" He stopped when the judge made a slashing motion.

Travis shook his head. You had to give them credit for creativity. And influence. To pull off some of this would have required the cooperation of many others in the building. Or perhaps the cooperation was secured because Wilson and Stewart were universally disliked. Perhaps a transfer would be a good idea?

Travis picked up his folder and started for the door. "Get back to work."

The seven held their positions and didn't relax until they heard the elevator ding and knew the Judge was out of earshot.

"You think he bought it?" Buck asked.

"No, but that wasn't the point," Standish replied. "He knows very well that we were involved and why. The man isn't a fool. But he also knows that he can't _prove_ a thing."

Chris nodded. "The fact that not one of you was responsible for the prank he'd think you'd do helped confuse things."

"Yeah, Nathan, how did you pull that printer trick?" JD asked.

Nathan smiled smugly. "I'll tell you that if Buck will tell me how he got the IRS on them."

"Well, ya see, there's this little lady--" Buck began.

"Never mind. I want to know about the laundry guy," Vin said.

"That was easy," Josiah answered. "Picked the lock on their lockers and dumped their clothes in the laundry basket, then locked all the clean towels away in our lockers."

"Where did you learn to pick..." JD glanced at Ezra who was modestly buffing his nails and decided he knew the answer. "But why was every lady in the place ignoring them or being mean to them? I mean even in the cafeteria? Buck?"

Buck shook his head in denial.

Ezra grinned evilly but it was Vin who answered. "JD, you don't understand how the ladies like you. All Ez had to do was let out a bit of information about those two bullies and that you were their target--and every lady in the building put them on her shit list."

JD's jaw dropped. "Really?"

Buck slapped him upside the head. "Hell, boy, they all think of you as their little brother, or son... you're always helping them with their computers and stuff and have good manners."

"Not all of them have maternal feelings," Ezra corrected. "I believe that many of them find him to be quite attractive. In fact I heard some rumor about doing a calendar for charity..."

"I don't want to hear about it," Chris snapped. "Okay, ladies, back to work. And put out the word to leave those two idiots alone. I think they've learned their lesson about messing with Team Seven."

Everyone stood and started moving towards their desks. Vin turned to look at Chris. "Now don't forget, Cowboy, no more 'baring your teeth' at anyone." He sniggered.

"Get to work!" Larabee roared.


End file.
